Most school leaders will recognise the situation. A colleague begins describing a difficult interaction, a frustrating decision or a challenge that has been building for weeks. One example leads to another. New details keep appearing. Before long, the conversation has become a detailed account of everything that has gone wrong, yet neither of you feels any closer to understanding what needs to happen next.
When this happens, coaching conversations can easily become trapped inside the story.
As coaches, we often find ourselves caught between two uncomfortable options. We either allow the conversation to continue because we want the person to feel heard, or we interrupt because we can see the discussion drifting away from anything useful. Neither option feels particularly comfortable, especially in schools where relationships matter and leaders are often wary of appearing dismissive.
One of the most common misconceptions about coaching is that a rant is something that needs to be stopped. In reality, a rant is often signalling something important. Frustration can point towards a boundary that has not been set.
Repeated complaints can reveal a pattern somebody has not yet noticed. Strong emotions can highlight values that feel threatened, ignored or compromised.
The problem is not the rant itself. The problem is when the conversation stays there.
In schools, where coaching conversations are often squeezed between lessons, meetings and endless competing demands, it is surprisingly easy for twenty minutes to disappear without the conversation moving any closer to clarity. Usually this comes from good intentions. We want colleagues to feel listened to, and being heard is an important part of effective coaching. However, venting alone rarely creates change.
One of the most useful coaching skills is learning how to contain a rant without shutting somebody down. That requires confidence because many leaders worry that interrupting will damage trust. In practice, a thoughtful interruption often has the opposite effect. It shows that you are listening carefully enough to notice what matters rather than simply allowing the conversation to drift.Simple phrases such as, "Can I pause you there for a second?" or "I think we've just hit something important" can gently bring the conversation back into focus. The aim is not to stop the person talking. The aim is to stop the repetition and identify what sits underneath it.
Once the story has been contained, the real coaching work begins. Good coaches start listening for patterns rather than additional examples. What keeps showing up? What emotions keep repeating? What role does the person consistently find themselves in? Sometimes what sounds like a complaint about workload turns out to be a challenge around boundaries. Sometimes frustration with colleagues reveals an avoidance of difficult conversations. Sometimes a long story involving several different people points towards a deeper concern about being liked, accepted or valued.
The details matter, but the pattern matters more.
This is often the moment where coaching conversations become significantly more powerful. Instead of exploring the tenth example of the same problem, we begin exploring what the problem might be revealing. Questions such as, "What is the real frustration underneath this?", "What keeps happening here?" or "What part of this is within your control?" encourage people to move beyond the immediate complaint and think more deeply about their own situation.
At that point, people often begin to see possibilities that were hidden while they were caught up in the emotion of the story. The conversation becomes less about what somebody else has done and more about what they want to do next.
Of course, coaching is not about forcing people into action too quickly either. One of the most common mistakes coaches make is jumping straight from frustration to solutions. Sometimes people need time to understand what a situation means before deciding how they want to respond to it. Good coaching helps people move from meaning, to ownership, and then to action.The good news is that these skills are learnable. You do not need to become confrontational, overly directive or constantly interrupt people. Most of the time, a few simple techniques can transform a long, emotional story into a focused and productive coaching conversation.
That is exactly why we asked experienced coach Josh Sutton to create our bitesized CPD course, Avoiding Rants: Turning Complaints into Coaching Conversations.
Designed specifically for teachers and school leaders, the course explores practical ways to keep coaching conversations focused while ensuring colleagues still feel heard and supported.
Inside the course, we explore:
When this happens, coaching conversations can easily become trapped inside the story.
As coaches, we often find ourselves caught between two uncomfortable options. We either allow the conversation to continue because we want the person to feel heard, or we interrupt because we can see the discussion drifting away from anything useful. Neither option feels particularly comfortable, especially in schools where relationships matter and leaders are often wary of appearing dismissive.
One of the most common misconceptions about coaching is that a rant is something that needs to be stopped. In reality, a rant is often signalling something important. Frustration can point towards a boundary that has not been set.
Repeated complaints can reveal a pattern somebody has not yet noticed. Strong emotions can highlight values that feel threatened, ignored or compromised.
The problem is not the rant itself. The problem is when the conversation stays there.
In schools, where coaching conversations are often squeezed between lessons, meetings and endless competing demands, it is surprisingly easy for twenty minutes to disappear without the conversation moving any closer to clarity. Usually this comes from good intentions. We want colleagues to feel listened to, and being heard is an important part of effective coaching. However, venting alone rarely creates change.
One of the most useful coaching skills is learning how to contain a rant without shutting somebody down. That requires confidence because many leaders worry that interrupting will damage trust. In practice, a thoughtful interruption often has the opposite effect. It shows that you are listening carefully enough to notice what matters rather than simply allowing the conversation to drift.Simple phrases such as, "Can I pause you there for a second?" or "I think we've just hit something important" can gently bring the conversation back into focus. The aim is not to stop the person talking. The aim is to stop the repetition and identify what sits underneath it.
Once the story has been contained, the real coaching work begins. Good coaches start listening for patterns rather than additional examples. What keeps showing up? What emotions keep repeating? What role does the person consistently find themselves in? Sometimes what sounds like a complaint about workload turns out to be a challenge around boundaries. Sometimes frustration with colleagues reveals an avoidance of difficult conversations. Sometimes a long story involving several different people points towards a deeper concern about being liked, accepted or valued.
The details matter, but the pattern matters more.
This is often the moment where coaching conversations become significantly more powerful. Instead of exploring the tenth example of the same problem, we begin exploring what the problem might be revealing. Questions such as, "What is the real frustration underneath this?", "What keeps happening here?" or "What part of this is within your control?" encourage people to move beyond the immediate complaint and think more deeply about their own situation.
At that point, people often begin to see possibilities that were hidden while they were caught up in the emotion of the story. The conversation becomes less about what somebody else has done and more about what they want to do next.
Of course, coaching is not about forcing people into action too quickly either. One of the most common mistakes coaches make is jumping straight from frustration to solutions. Sometimes people need time to understand what a situation means before deciding how they want to respond to it. Good coaching helps people move from meaning, to ownership, and then to action.The good news is that these skills are learnable. You do not need to become confrontational, overly directive or constantly interrupt people. Most of the time, a few simple techniques can transform a long, emotional story into a focused and productive coaching conversation.
That is exactly why we asked experienced coach Josh Sutton to create our bitesized CPD course, Avoiding Rants: Turning Complaints into Coaching Conversations.
Designed specifically for teachers and school leaders, the course explores practical ways to keep coaching conversations focused while ensuring colleagues still feel heard and supported.
Inside the course, we explore:
Created with
